Wishes and Dreams
by jasmineblossom
Summary: This story takes place right after Jason loses his memory for the second time. He is still with Sam, but what happens when he remembers Courtney instead?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Wishes and Dreams

Author's Note: This is my first fanfic, so I will give it my best shot. I will try to update as often as possible, but I am not sure how often that might be.

Background: This story basically takes place right after Jason loses his memory for the second time. He woke up in the hospital with Sam, and she told him all about his old life and managed to bring him back to Port Charles. However, she has yet to tell him about Courtney, the love of his life. This story is about what happens when he starts to remember her on his own. In the story, Courtney has divorced Jason for the same reasons as on the show, but she still loves him. The whole Jax or Nikolas thing never happened.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

**Chapter 1**

_The man walked along the coast of the beach, feeling the soft sand pass through his toes. It was night _

_time, and a light breeze rustled his sandy blonde hair. All of a sudden, he saw something that made his _

_breath catch in his throat. A woman was bathing in the ocean, singing softly to herself. She had pale _

_cornsilk hair, and he could see the water glistening on her bare back in tiny droplets. He gulped hard, _

_and just as he was about to go, the woman turned around. He was mesmerized by the face that he saw _

_staring back at him. It was the most beautiful face he had ever seen, with bright, glittering blue eyes, _

_and a porcelain face with perfect features. He couldn't help but be drawn to her, and before he knew _

_what was happening, he found his feet carrying him over to the woman. _

"_Finally! I wondered what was taking you so long," she said, smiling at him. With that, the woman _

_pulled him towards her, pressing her body against him, and started kissing him. She started tugging at _

_his shirt, and finally pulled it off. The rest of his clothes soon followed. _

_He wasn't sure what it was about this woman, but it was like he knew her intimately, like she was a part_

_of him. He couldn't resist her, and let her push him to the ground, with her body on top, as they started_

_making love on the beach. _

Jason awoke with a start. That was the strangest dream he had ever had. Yet, even now, when he was

completely awake, there was something about that woman in the dream, something real, as if she actually

existed. Jason shook his head vigorously, trying to erase the image of that hypnotic face out of his mind,

and failing to. He glanced at the body of the small brunette sleeping next to him and sighed.

"I shouldn't be having dreams like this. About another woman, especially when I'm in love with Sam."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Sorry I took so long to update. I was really busy with college apps and stuff, but I am done with that for a while.

**Chapter 2**

Sam woke up at ten in the morning to find the bed empty next to her. She felt a little twinge of anxiousness,

wondering where Jason was. She had to be extra careful now that he had lost his memory again. She had to

keep him close to her, to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself, and more importantly, so she wouldn't lose

him. She couldn't risk him remembering everything, remembering…her, Courtney.

There was one thing she hadn't yet mentioned to Jason about his life when she was filling him in on the

details after his memory loss. She had told him about his life before he was Jason Morgan, when he was

Jason Quartermaine, about his brother AJ and his sister Emily, how he came to work for Sonny, everything.

But when she came to the part in his life about Courtney, somehow, she couldn't bring herself to tell him,

afraid that he would remember _her _instead of Sam, that he would leave Sam.

She knew that she was no competition compared to Courtney. Hands down, Courtney would win, every

single time. She was Jason's one true love, and there would always be a special place in his heart for her, no

matter how many years passed. Sure, he would say all the right things, like "I love you," and take her out to

dinner or shopping, but no matter what, she never saw that look in his eye when he was talking to her. The

look he got when he was talking to, or even just about, Courtney. The little spark that made his eyes seem an

even brighter shade of blue. He tried to hide it, and he usually managed to quite well, but anyone who knew

him well could see it clearly. She couldn't help but feel a little jealous of that bond Jason and Courtney would

always have. _Stop it, Sam. You're with him now. He chose you. He loves you. _Sam tried to reassure herself.

_There's nothing to worry about. _

_

* * *

_

Jason was on his way to Kelly's. Sam had told him that the food there was unbeatable, and even though it

only served diner food, you couldn't find better food anywhere.

The crisp wind blew through his hair, and several leaves flew by. There was that certain nip in the air, as

the autumn season approached.

He didn't know why he got up so early and was going for a walk without telling Sam. He usually didn't do

things like that. But after that dream, he couldn't go back to sleep for the rest of the night. There was

something about that face, something so…familiar. He couldn't put his finger on it. _You're just imagining it, _

_Jason. Just because you dream about some gorgeous girl, doesn't mean she exists. _Besides, Sam had told

him all about the people involved in his life, and if this girl existed, assuming she existed, Sam would have

told him, right?

Just then, he reached Kelly's. He went into the restaurant, grateful that it was so much warmer in there than

outside. He ordered a cup of warm coffee, and some toast, and waited for them to arrive. All of a sudden, he

heard a voice as the doors to the diner burst open, letting a gust of cold air in.

"Dad, oh my God, you won't believe what just happened! I ran into this guy on the way here, and he tried

to sell me…"

Jason turned around to look at who was speaking, and froze. It was her, the angelic girl from the dream!

He blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes, to make sure he was actually seeing what he thought he was

seeing. The image in front of him didn't change. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He had thought she was

beautiful in the dream, but it was nothing compared to how she looked in person. She was a striking beauty,

wearing a loose, flowing knee length skirt with a silky sweater, cut just low enough to expose some skin

without showing too much. He couldn't help but think how tight and low cut Sam's shirts always were, like

she was trying to get the attention of every man in Port Charles. _Stop it. You shouldn't be thinking like that. _

_You don't even know this girl and already you're comparing Sam to her? _

He must have been gaping at the woman for a while, because all of a sudden, he found her moving towards

him. He was a little surprised, wondering what she could possibly have to say to him. To his astonishment,

she threw her arms around his neck and said, "Jason, are you okay? I heard about the memory loss, and I

was so worried. I didn't have time to stop by earlier, and for that, I am truly sorry."

The woman kept on talking, and he couldn't help but stare at her stunning face. Finally, she noticed that he

wasn't listening to what she was saying. "Jason, what's the matter?" she asked.

"I'm really sorry about this, but do I know you?" Jason asked Courtney.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I'm really sorry about this, but do I know you?" Jason asked Courtney.

"Jason, it's me, Courtney," she said with a confused look on her face. She knew that he couldn't

remember everything already, but for some reason, the thought had never occurred to her that he could

actually forget her. She found herself having trouble breathing.

"It's..it's me," she repeated again weakly. Of course he wouldn't remember her. How could she be so

self-centered to think that even though Jason had severe memory loss, he would somehow remember their

love for each other. The love that she still felt for him. _Stop it, _she told herself. _It is not okay for you to be _

_having __thoughts like this. Jason is off limits. Plus, just because you love him, doesn't mean he returns the _

_same __feelings for you. He told you to your face that he loves Sam, remember. How many more times do _

_you need __to keep on getting hurt before you realize it? _She remembered that day like it was yesterday.

Somehow she had gotten the idea that maybe she and Jason could be a couple again. Maybe, this time, she

could get over her inhibitions with his profession, and they could be happy again, like they had been when

they had first met. She had run into him at Kelly's, and she was just about to tell him, when he said the

words. "Courtney, before you say anything, I'm in love with Sam." At that moment, she felt like he had

grabbed her heart, ripped it out of her chest and stomped on it over and over. A million thoughts were

running through her mind simultaneously. What? How could he do that to her? He said that he would always

love her and only her. How did this happen? These questions kept on repeating over and over in her head.

She felt like she was going to explode if she stayed there any longer, and so she ran, leaving him behind at

Kelly's. She had stupidly gone to Jax's after that, and somehow managed to convince herself that she was

in love with him, and look where that had gotten her. Almost the moment after she married him, she realized

that she had done exactly what she didn't want, get trapped in a loveless marriage. It wasn't fair to Jax, to lie

to him when she could only really love one person, Jason.

"Hello, Courtney?" Jason asked, waving a hand in her face. The blonde seemed to have completely zoned

out for a minute, and the look of complete and utter sadness on her face was so heartbreaking, he just

wanted to grab her in an embrace and comfort her, make sure she would never feel that again. It was more

that that, though. The moment he saw her, it was like his heart recognized hers. And this was a scary feeling

for someone he presumably didn't even know.

"Are you okay?"

She snapped out of her little daze. _God, I must totally be scaring Jason right now. Not only do I jump on _

_him without even introducing myself, but I just space out randomly. _She gave him a small smile, the edges

of her lips curling up slightly as she shrugged. "Sorry," she said, not offering an explanation. How could

she? Their relationship was so complicated, it would take months to explain everything.

"You know, you still haven't really told me who you are, other than that your name is Courtney." Jason's

curiosity was peaked. He really wanted to know who this woman from his dreams was.

"Sorry," she stated again. "Sam didn't tell you?"

"Tell me about what?" he asked. It was true that Sam had filled him in on his life before the memory loss.

But she had left out this little part. "Is there something I should know? How do you I know you?"

"We used to…we used to be married," Courtney said, finding her breath coming short again. "We might

still be too, except for the miscarriage." She laughed a bit. "Kinda dropped that bombshell on you, didn't I?"

"No, I want to know," Jason said.

"Well, I had gotten pregnant, and I didn't tell you. There was a lot of other things going on at the time,

Carly had gotten kidnapped, and you and Sonny were going to get her that night. I didn't want to tell you

because I knew you would want to stay, instead of doing what you had to do. And long story short, I ended

up getting kidnapped by Alcazar, miscarrying, and now I can't get pregnant anymore. But I guess that's just

the way life goes sometimes, right?" Courtney could feel her eyes filling with tears.

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

And with that, she ran out of Kelly's.

Jason just stood there for a few minutes, processing all that Courtney had just told him. Then, he too left,

and headed for the penthouse.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Just so you know, Robin is still in Paris, and doesn't have a role in this story. Also, just a warning, this chapter is going to be somewhat darker than the others, and reveal some of the problems that Courtney has developed since her breakup with Jason. Don't forget that this story is about Journey, although sometimes, it might seem like it's not.

**Chapter 4**

Sam was in the kitchen, trying to cook something when she heard the door slam. Jason was home.

"Jason, I'm in here," Sam called out. _I wonder where he's been? I wonder if he's seen…Sam, stop overreacting. If he has seen her, he would tell you, right?_

"Jason?" she called again, as she wandered out. She saw him standing by the window next to the pool table, looking out. She came up behind him and hugged him. His body immediately tensed up. "Jason, baby, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing. Just somebody I met, is all." She waited for him to say who it was, but he didn't finish.

"Oh," Sam took a deep breath. "Okay Jason, I think I know who you met. Courtney, right?" A slight intake of breath from Jason told her she was.

"I know you probably don't understand why I didn't tell you, but I had my reasons. Jason, you have to believe me." She paused to see if he was still listening. He gave a slight nod, so she continued. "Jason, I usually don't lie about these things, but I'm _very _insecure about Courtney. She was your first real love after Robin, the first person you had opened up to in a _long _time. Sometimes, the way you look when you talk about her…I don't know. She changed you, Jason." Sam gulped. "Me and you started going out a long time after your divorce, and things were going really well. You are to me what Courtney was to you. You were the first person who took care of me, actually listened to what I wanted to say." She stared down at her hands. "When you had your accident," she halted, feeling the words caught in her throat, and the tears start to burn at the back of her eyes. "When you had your accident," she began again, "I thought I had lost you forever, and then, when you were able to pull through, it was like a miracle. I have never wanted anything more than I wanted you to pull through, Jason." Her voice was barely above a whisper now. "I just wanted to have you to myself for a few days. I guess all I can really say now is that I'm sorry."

Jason sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. What Sam was saying sounded sincere, but he still couldn't believe she hid something this big from him, and for this long! He couldn't think clearly, and he knew that if he stayed here another second, he would say something he was going to regret later. "I don't know, Sam. I need time to process this information," he said, as he grabbed his leather jacket from the back of the couch and started heading towards the door.

"Jason, wait, where are you going? Jason, please don't leave, please." It came out as a whimper. _Damn, _Sam thought. _Why do I always sound so needy?_ She hated herself for sounding like this, but she couldn't help it. Every inch of her was screaming that she should do anything to stop him from leaving, but she knew if she tried, she would surely lose him permanently.

"Sam, I just need some time to myself. I'm going to take a walk. I'll be back in…I'll just be back soon, okay?" He strode out and slammed the door behind him.

Sam sunk down on the couch, the tears flowing freely down her face now, alone. She couldn't help but wonder if she had lost him already.

* * *

Jason was walking near the docks. It had been about three hours since he had left the penthouse, but he didn't have even the slightest desire to go back. It was starting to get late, and the street lights were on. As he was walking past an alley, he heard the sound of voices resounding from within, a male and a female. The female voice sounded oddly familiar. He couldn't quite remember where he had heard that...Courtney! It was Courtney in there .He headed directly towards it now, just in time to see her slipping a couple of small plastic packets into her purse before handing the boy something. The boy seemed about her age, in his early twenties. He was slim, wearing a black sweatshirt with the hood pulled up, a cigarette dangling from his lips.Jason saw the guy touch Courtney on her elbow, whispering something in her ear. She laughed at him, swatting his arm away. Jason felt an odd feeling rise up in the pit of his stomach. He didn't like the way that guy was touching her, as if he owned her. _Why do_ _you care, Jason? _His conscience belittled him. _You hardly know her, or at least what you remember of her. And, in case you're forgetting, you dumped her for Sam. _

Jason was so preoccupied thinking of what Courtney was doing that he hadn't realized they could see him just as easily as he could see them. The guy with Courtney was the first to notice, and he started coming towards Jason. "Hey tough guy, what do you think you're doing, trying to eavesdrop on our _private _conversation?" Courtney looked up and, realizing who it was, ran after the man, before he could do anything stupid like try to hit Jason. Jason might have amnesia right now, but she knew that wouldn't stop his reflexes from kicking in.

"Wait, Johnny, he's a friend."

The man halted, and turned around. He rolled his eyes and said, "Alright, baby, I'll leave him alone…for know. The things I do for you." With that, he slowly sauntered away, stopping once to glance over his shoulder.

Turning to Jason, she said, "Just ignore Johnny, he can get a little bit weird sometimes." She laughed loudly, for no apparent reason. Jason looked closely at her, for the first time that night, and realized she looked completely different from when he had met her earlier that morning. Her eyes was rimmed with thick lines of black kohl. Her hair was loose and flowing, unlike the tight pony tail she was wearing earlier that day. _I wonder how it would feel to run my fingers through that hair, _Jason thought. He shook his head to clear himself of these thoughts. His eyes went to her clothes. She was wearing a tight black dress, gripping her in all the right spots, and very high heels that only served to further lengthen her already long legs. Jason found himself thinking of stroking her in all those places where the dress gripped. _Stop it, Jason, you shouldn't be thinking about her like this. You're in a relationship with Sam. Even in the state it's in right now, you shouldn't be thinking about another woman the minute you walk away from your girlfriend._ _Although it does explain quite a bit about why Sam behaved the way she did. If I acted like this before my memory loss, no wonder Sam was insecure. _

He forced himself to concentrate on what she was saying. It was then that he noticed she was slurring her words, heavily. He brought himself to look into her eyes, afraid of what he would see. Her pupils were dilated, and her blue eyes seemed abnormally dark. The harsh street lights threw long shadows on her pale face, and her gaunt frame seemed like she hadn't eaten in weeks. She was laughing again. Everything about her seemed exaggerated, like someone had pressed the fast forward button on the remote. The jerky way she moved, the way she was walking, the way she was laughing, throwing her head back. _Damn, she's high on something. _

"So anyways, I went to this awesome rave the other night, and that's where I met Johnny." She stopped talking, and noticing that he was staring at her. "Alright Jason, you've been staring at me this entire time. What is it? Do you think I look hot in this dress?" She ran her hands down the sides of her body slowly, watching him watch her. Jason gulped hard, involuntarily. "Why don't we," _focus Jason, focus, don't look at her body, _"Why don't we, um, sit down for a while." He gestured towards one of the park benches.

After he sat down, she plopped down on his lap and put her arms around him. "Courtney, maybe this isn't the best idea, you sitting on my lap I mean." He didn't know if he could keep from kissing her if she remained there for a second longer. She pouted exaggeratedely and said, "Fine, I'll sit next to you." Her idea of sitting next to him was almost as bad as sitting in his lap. She dropped down beside him and pressed her thigh against his. He gulped quickly again and then looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She was staring directly at him and grinning. All of a sudden, he was at a loss for words.

"Courtney." "Jason," she cut off "Just shut up and kiss me." Jason's mouth hung open. She couldn't have possibly said what he thought. No, he must have heard wrong. She laughed again, before pressing her lips to his, grinding her body against him in the process. Jason fought to control himself. "Courtney…" he trailed off as he felt his body respond to the actions of her. _Stop it, _he thought. _You shouldn't be doing this. _It was when he felt her giggling against his lips that brought him back to reality. _This wasn't really her. _He pulled away gently. "Courtney, stop, you don't know what you're doing."

Courtney pushed his arms away roughly as she separated herself from him. "What's the matter, Jason, you don't like your women taking charge? Do you only like little women who let you have your way with everything?" She started swaggering away from him as she continued.

"_I _don't know what I'm doing? You're right, I really don't. I'm the stupid idiot who waited around for you for several months, just so you could throw in my face that you love that little slut! She broke up that family that you claimed so much to love, Jason. Sonny and Carly, the people who you always put before us, the ones you always rushed to help when we were married. You know what, Jason, I know exactly what I'm doing. I know who I love and who I hate, and I stick with it. I don't claim to love someone one moment, and then just drop them so I can hop into bed with someone else." She started walking away even faster, until she tripped and fell.

Jason rushed to her side, picking her off the ground. She wasn't even able to lift herself up. "Courtney, are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Let me take you home." She was shaking, her bony arms hugging her waist, and her teeth chattering in her mouth. "God, you're shivering. Here, take my coat." He was just about to put his leather jacket around her when he was cut off by Courtney pushing his arm away again. This time, when she spoke, her voice was eerily quiet, in a way more disturbing then when she was laughing.

"Where were you, Jason, when I was crying myself to sleep every night? Did you offer me your coat then? When you told me that you made Sam pregnant, that you were going to marry her? Where were you when I first started experimenting with drugs? Did you ask me if I was okay then? Did you ask me if I was hurt then? I've been living on my own for some time now, Jason. I think I can get myself home." She slowly walked away, still swaggering. All Jason could do was watch as her silouette grew smaller in the dark. All he could do was watch and pray that she get home safe, that no sicko decided to take advantage of her condition.

Jason sank back down onto the park bench. He stared in agony into the dark. What had he done to that girl? How different she was from the woman he saw that morning! If only he could remember what he was like before the accident.

* * *

After a long while, Jason finally picked himself off the bench and ambled back to the penthouse. When he got there, all the lights were off and Sam was already asleep. As he pulled his socks and shoes off, and climbed in bed with her, he checked the time. 1:00 am. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to forget the happenings of the night. The image of that frail face, the pale, translucent skin, and those diluted eyes, was permanently etched onto the back of his eyelids, and he knew sleep would be a long time coming.


End file.
